My words for 2015...

I have mentioned Leonie Dawson and her Amazing Biz and Life workbooks* in the past, and I am working on these workbooks again this year. If you work the workbooks and really follow the tips and plans set out, they pay off. One task in the workbooks is to choose your word for the year. This is a word that resonates with you, has meaning for you, and guides you throughout the year. In the private Facebook group that goes along with membership in Leonie's Amazing Biz and Life Academy*, many of the members have been discussing their words for 2015. Today, I joined in. Below is a slightly edited version of my response to one such discussion.

(The workbooks are free as downloadable PDF e-books with membership in the Academy

or available separately HERE as e-books or bound workbooks.*)

When it comes to words for the year, I have three: Onward, Resilience, Persistence.

They have been my words for the last 12 years, and when I keep them front and center and balance my choices and experiences against them, things continue to grow and move forward and change in the right direction. When I lose sight of them, things start to fall apart. 

This is the story of my three words.

I was in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship and had a young child and I was struggling to go to school, to try to "save" or "fix" my relationship, and to be the mom I wanted in my heart to be. My ex threw up block after block after block and I wasn't dealing well. I was a mess emotionally and physically. Then, in April 2002, around my 28th birthday, I hit the wall and decided enough was enough. My ex basically told me flat out that I didn't *DESERVE* a college degree and that I wasn't *WORTH* a college degree - that I was nothing, had nothing, would always be nothing. He'd been telling me this stuff all along, but never so explicitly before. 

Finally, after almost four years of this, something clicked. 

The very next day I managed to get to school despite all odds (he took the car, he took my money so I had no bus fare, and he canceled the babysitter). I found an academic counselor and told her I had to graduate as soon as humanly possible no matter what it would take and that I was leaving an abusive partner and taking my son with me as soon as I had my degree. Within 30 minutes I had a new major that only required two additional classes beyond what I had already taken and beyond the classes I was already in for that term, and I had a graduation date only 4 months away. I then visited all of my current professors and told them the situation (crying in the first one's office and feeling empowered and strong by the time I left the last one's office), and they all agreed to help me in whatever ways they could (letting me bring my son to class and sitting in the hall so I could hear without my son disrupting the class, emailing me notes, making special arrangements to meet with me outside of normal office hours, letting me do work via independent study, etc).

I graduated in August 2002. I researched my legal rights regarding custody of my son, and I made a plan to leave for good (I'd already left three times before) that would allow us to do so safely, legally, and with help from family that lived 600 miles away. On October 15th, my sister and brother-in-law helped me pack a U-haul while ex was at work, and by 5pm that day I had left him for good!

Onward, Resilience, and Persistence helped me do that, and they have helped me overcome many obstacles since - some big, some small. They have helped me do things I didn't know I was capable of, and they are helping me achieve life long dreams now. That doesn't mean life is always easy or that I achieve everything I try, but it does mean I am constantly moving in the right direction, even if it means taking the occasional detour to get there. 

What are your guiding words for 2015, and how did you come up with them? I wanna know!

*These are affiliate links, but if you are committed to Leonie's programs, they pay off in ways you may not even realize!

Homeschooling - First day of the new year...and modeling a positive life outlook...surviving...

I kept saying and writing that Tuesday would be our first official day of homeschooling.  But, on paper, I planned our year to start today, Monday!  Oops...but, that's such a relatively minor mixup that I'm not stressing about it.  And, we start our school year super slow anyhow, so it won't really make any difference whether we start today or tomorrow.

As I've posted before, I plan our homeschool lessons several weeks at a time using Microsoft Word.  For a while I used Excel, but once I learned how to create tables in Word, I was in love and have never looked back (tutorial to come later this week)!  Our first two weeks will be focused on reading and science - two of my son's favorite school-related activities.  In week three, we will add creative writing, with my son working on a story he started over summer.  Week four will see the addition of math, grammar, daily journaling, and geography.  By week five, I hope to have recieved our requested materials from The Book Samaritan, and will revise everything on our lesson plans from that point forward.  Also, depending on what is in the box, I may order Teaching Textbooks and some curriculum from Sonlight which covers World History, and literature.  As the fall progresses, I also have a number of unit studies planned for science, literature, and writing.  I'm so excited to still be homeschooling!  Every year we love it a bit more...homeschooling certainly isn't for everyone, but for us it really works!

Here's a sneak peek at our first week - as I stated, we start slow, so this chart looks pretty empty! 

Subject	Monday  9/5	Tuesday	Wednesday	Thursday	Friday
Math
Language Arts	The Castle in the Attic Ch 1 to 3	The Castle in the Attic Ch 4 to 5	The Castle in the Attic Ch 6 to 7		The Castle in the Attic Ch 8 to 9
Science	pH Scale A Brief History of Time – Acknow. to pg 13	Acids and Bases A Brief History of Time – Ch 2	Turmeric Base A Brief History of Time – Ch 3		Amazing Egg Day 1 (Sat/Sun – 3 and 4) A Brief History of Time – Ch 4
Social Studies
Miscellaneous				Homeschool Group Picnic Golf Program Parent Meeting

Everything we need for the first several weeks fits in this neat and tidy little pile:

In the middle of our homeschooling, we are still experiencing problems with our plumbing, and I am hoping the repair guys come back Tuesday.  They seemed unsure if they would be here Tuesday or Wednesday as they also have a job to do on another floor of our building.  Meanwhile, we have lost all water pressure in the kitchen sink, and the toilet has decided to go from a continuous flushing cycle, back to normal, to now only sort of half-flushing...yikes and gross!  I also have a freelance design project to work on, my homeschool research project, my grad school classes starting back up, and tutoring starting again.  It will be a busy, busy week!

This morning, I also came upon a post called "Complaining or Glorifying" on the M.O.B. (Mothers of Boys) Society blog. The post asks us, as parents, to consider how we model behavior for our children.  Do they see us complaining when things don't go our way?  Do we fall apart and cry or get angry?  Do our children model this behavior back to us as they go about their daily lives?  How can we change our own behavior to have a positive impact on the behavior of our children?  By no means am I perfect, but I feel that now I am a much better emotional role model for my son than I have ever been before.  I changed my attitude dramatically when my son was about three years old.

I was not in a good state emotionally, and was in a relationship with JP's dad which was emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive for both myself, and my son.  It was easy to complain, be angry, be depressed, and so on.  I was exhausted all the time.  I was ashamed that I had let myself fall into such a situation.  I was embarrassed.  My son saw me cry, not just a little, not just in the worst of times, but pretty much every day for his first three years of life.  He saw his dad and I engaged in an emotional battle, with his father winning through means of humiliation and manipulation every time.  Then, when my son was three, two things happened.

First, while seeing my primary care doctor for a routine visit, he suggested that I see the new therapist that had just joined the medical practice...I resisted for a few months, but finally broke down and made an appointment.  It was one of the best decisions I have ever made.  When you are hurting so much, you need help.  For some it is embarrassing, and shameful to seek out or accept outside help, but the situation I was in was so much more embarrassing that I needed to seek outside help.  When you need help, push aside your pride, find some humility and strength, and seek out whatever help you need...in the end, it is an act of strength and courage, and may save your life, or the life of your children, especially if you are in an abusive relationship.  With the help of my therapist, I was able to put into place a plan to finish my undegraduate course work and obtain my Bachelor's Degree.  I was able to develop emotional and verbal defenses to my ex's abuse, and I planned an escape for my son and I.  We managed to finally leave a year later, and began rebuilding our lives.  (More in this post.)

Second, I was browsing in a bookstore and came upon a book that reinforced what I already believed as a parent, and encouraged me to grow in my role as a mother and mentor to my son.  The book is The 10 Greatest Gifts I Give My Children: Parenting from the Heart  by Steven Vannoy, and I can honestly say it transformed my daily interactions with my son.  I encourage every parent to read it, and have faith in it.  You can build a strong, healthy, positive relationship with your child.  You can reinforce the strong, healthy, positive relationship you already have with your child.  But, it does take practice.  Changing your relationships, and your own outlook on life is not an easy task.  It takes time.  Be patient with yourself.  Keep trying.  You are worth it, and so are those you love.

Thank you those that read my blog, comment, and follow.  I hope you found something of support or encouragement in what I've written today, whether it be related to homeschooling, surviving domestic abuse, or relating better to your children.  I thank you for stopping by.  

Travelin' Thursday...

Whew! Time is ticking!  JP and I leave for our cross-country adventure in only 34 days!  Can you believe that???  I can't!  I feel like we still have so much to do in order to prepare.  Everything from continuing to sort, purge, pack to planning logistics, to getting important papers together to....EVERYTHING!

Excuse me while I take a moment to have a stress-relieving scream....

Screamer by TheDoomGirls on Etsy

Much better now that the screaming is done with.  Now, down to business!  Or....blog writing in order to prolong the inevitable packing, planning, purging, sorting...

The last *major* move I made was in October, 2002 and it was from Portland, Oregon to Northern California.  It was a fast, scary move that I felt I had no choice but to make.  I was escaping an abusive relationship and trying to save the emotional and mental health of myself and my child.  It was tough!  I couldn't have done it without my sister and my brother-in-law.  At the time, I felt broken emotionally, mentally, financially.  I was physically drained from stress and worry.  I asked my sister and her husband to help, and they did.  In 24 hours they were in Portland, got a moving truck, got it packed, and helped me finish up some last minute details.  I left so many things behind!  So many things!  I had no choice.  I had to grab the things that were most important to me, the essentials for getting by, and that was it.  I had to leave most of the things that I merely liked but wanted to keep.  I left books.  I left dishes and pots and pans.  I left a few pieces of furniture.  I left tons of JP's toys.  I left so much stuff.  BUT, I also left with my self and my child intact.  I left with a foundation to build on.  

I never want to make *that* kind of move again.  Never.

So, in 34 days, what kind of move do I *want* to make?  I want to make a move that is filled with fun, adventure, and excitement!  I want this to be a move where, although we will have many uncertainties, it will be fun to experience the road ahead.  Thankfully, this time, if we leave things behind, I know they will be safe.  If we leave things behind, we can come back for them later, and we can know that my mom will keep our things for us.  

 The Road Less Traveled by byZIEHL

In 34 days, we will be off to see 13 states over the course of about 17 days.  We will stop in cities, towns, and other locations of historic significance.  We will stop in places that are one of a kind - places we may never have visited otherwise.  And, with JP being on the cusp of 12 years old, we are doing it at the perfect time!  JP is already an excellent traveler, having been up and down the Pacific Coast by car numerous times, and having flown to Mexico City and back.  He loves looking out the window and seeing the changing scenery.  He loves thinking about (and discussing) what the area would have been like a few hundred years ago.  He loves seeing historic sites and envisioning what it would have been like to live there.  JP even loves the drudgery of travel - he loves going for miles with nothing really to see except more of the same stuff he saw for the last four hours.  He loves taking turns choosing what to listen to on the radio or cd player.  He loves stopping at rest stops and comparing how each one is different from the others - "Mom! This one has Doritos!  The last one only had M and M's in the vending machine! And, do you remember the first rest stop today that had NO vending machines and a broken toilet?"  Seriously, my kid *LIKES* rest stops...weird...

 Rest Stop 3 1963 Dodge by mvyost

I wish I could be as laid back and relaxed about this adventure as my boy.  But, I can't.  I have to do all of the planning.  I have to worry about how much this trip will cost.  I have to worry about having cell phone service if we have a problem.  I have to worry about where we will stay each night.  I have to worry about....everything.  So, I'm trying to focus less on the big picture and more on breaking things down step by step...but, that picture is BIG and hard to ignore.  This is a HUGE move.  This is our entire lives changing dramatically for at least the next two years while I go to graduate school in another state...on another coast...where we know one person...one person that we haven't seen or spoken to regularly since were kids and saw each other during annual vacations.

This is huge.

How are we going to do it?  How can we not do it?  This is huge...huge in a positive way.  Huge in a reshaping our futures for success and living out our dreams kind of way.  I mean, isn't that what living in the United States of America should be all about?  Just because it is 2010 and our economy has all but fallen apart and times ahead are so uncertain for so many of us doesn't mean anyone should give up the fabled "American Dream."  If anything, those of us that have felt bogged down should say, "I HAVE A DREAM AND I AM GOING TO MAKE IT A REALITY!  I CAN AND I WILL!"  Stay tuned as JP and I make our dreams become realities!  

 Speedy Travel Service Suitcase by stilletogirl

As always, I would love to hear from anyone that has made a cross-country move by car.  Advice?  Thanks for reading!

Love, M and J