Monday, September 30, 2013

Dear Son...

Dear son,

You asked if I mind if you play some games on your PlayStation. I said, "I don't care." The truth is, I do care. When I say, "I don't care" what I mean is "I'm not concerned with whether or not you play video games right now. I am concerned with whether or not it brings you happiness."

Just as I spent a lot of time working on the skill of not apologizing for things I have no reason to apologize for, and just as I've worked at learning to not say yes to every little thing just to please others, I'm going to work on learning to be more precise when speaking to you. Instead of "I don't care", I'm going to work hard at telling you what I really mean.

When I hear someone say, "I don't care", even if I know that they don't mean any harm, I sometimes internalize the message, "I don't care about you." I know that is most likely not the speaker's intent, but I'm human. Sometimes that is the message I hear in the words "I don't care."

So, I'm going to be more careful in my speech from now on.

Instead of "I don't care", you'll hear:

  • Go ahead. Playing video games sounds fun right now.
  • Sure you can have the last cookie. I bet it will taste great!
  • Yes, you can stay up an hour later. I know you'll still manage to get up on time.
  • I love you bunches!
Love,
Mom

Monday, September 23, 2013

Dear Son...

Dear son,

It has been amazing to watch you grow up these past 15 years. I can barely remember life before you.
Son, I want you to know a few things as you continue to mature and move into adulthood.

Son, if you have goals and dreams for your life, don't let others hold you back. There will be doubters, haters, and scammers out there. Most of them are simply afraid - afraid to be left behind by you, afraid that they won't achieve their own goals, afraid of what will happen if they do achieve their goals.

Heck, maybe you are afraid too. I know I'm afraid...afraid of the unknown. I've spent a long time letting my fear of the unknown keep me for pursuing my goals. I've let others tell me that I'm not good enough, not smart enough, just not enough. Now, here I am at 39, less than six months away from 40, and I'm going after my goals - running at those goals I gave up years ago. There are still doubters, haters, scammers, and others who'd love to hold me back, but I don't care. Those aren't the people in my life that are important.

Choose the people that you share your goals and your life with carefully. Don't be seduced by slick words that aren't backed with real action and enthusiasm. If the people in your life truly care for you, they'll support you no matter what - even if they disagree with you or think you are crazy!

Plenty of people thought I was nuts for doing things as small as running a 5k and as big as moving us cross-country for graduate school. Plenty of people thought I was nuts for all kinds of things in between. But, I did them anyhow! The people who were truly worth my time are the ones that supported me along the way, inquired about how things were going for us, and encouraged me to keep at it!

If you have a goal or a dream, go for it!

Love,
Mom